Dear Humanity

Wow. Crazy couple of years, folks. It's as if a higher-being bartender took my emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual entities threw them in a shaker and served a Mixed Margaret on the rocks. Let's start with the physical.

My health has not been the greatest these past few years. After I had my daughter, I just never lost the baby weight. In fact, I really just kept eating like I was still pregnant. There are a lot of psychological ties to this, I believe, but I just haven't had time or money to talk with a professional about it. However, I have the greatest counselor of all, so I know I can always talk to Him about it. Food gave me comfort, a good feeling, a sense of happiness. When I was a kid, I was always rewarded with a treat: a congratulatory dinner, an ice cream cone, a bag of candy, etc. While I still do not think this is a bad way to celebrate, I do see how it can tie food with emotions. Needless to say, at age 33, I am the heaviest I've ever been in my life and also the unhealthiest I've been. My blood sugars are borderline, which classifies me pre-diabetic.

Also, ever since I had my daughter, my reproduction system was not functioning properly. For this past year and half, I've experienced infertility. This past summer, my OBGYN discovered multiple polyps on the inside of my uterus. In July, I had a polypectomy and all were benign, thankfully. It really scared me because of my mom's cancer being endometrial uterine. It brought back unpleasant memories and fear that the DNA was strong. However, God proved my fears and worry dead-wrong. Needless, to say, all of these health issues have been a huge wake-up call for me. I have to do something about it. Sticking to a 1200 calorie/day diet & exercise has been extremely difficult, but I've lost 20lbs so far and I'm planning to continue this lifestyle. Eating healthier and exercising just makes me feel so much better and I feel like I'm doing my part in ensuring that I'll be around for my husband and my daughter's future. Okay, onto to the emotional and psychological.

I think we can all agree that the isolation that came with the COVID-19 pandemic changed us in ways we didn't expect. I, like so many others, did experience a heightened amount of anxiety and a mild case of depression (the infertility didn't help). I also found that relationships worth investing in are reciprocated. I learned that certain people are in your life for "seasons." Seasons come and go. If you have a person in your life for an extended time it's a blessing. The increased amount of family time was truly incredible. However, as I worked from home, I did find myself throwing myself into work. I worked long stressful hours trying to prove to the upper-management that myself and my team, although we were teleworking, we were indeed working. Every day was a battle between trying to please everyone at work and being happy at home. Although, we often talked about separating work from home-life, it just couldn't happen for a customer service manager for a manufacturing company of consumables. COVID was causing products to fly off shelves and demand for truck drivers spiked. Angry customers, internal arguments, high demand, poor performing personnel on my team and not on my team- it all just became too much stress to bear. I got to the point where my emotional state was taking a toll on my physical state. I started experiencing panic attacks. More medication had to come into play. Something had to give. Thankfully God still held me. He always does. He just decided Margaret needed a clean slate. A total and utter "start over," if you will. We had already moved into a new house during the pandemic and were in a whole new neighborhood. Then, I received an offer for a new job. The benefits outweighed anything I've ever been offered before. And I needed a major change. I felt like I had nothing to lose. So, new house, new job...I see you God. I see what you are doing. We hadn't been to church in a while and were watching live-streams all throughout the pandemic. Live-streams were an okay substitute but nothing compared to actually being in church.

Spiritually, my family found ourselves in a rut. There were a few other factors that came into play with our church, but we just started to feel like the church we once called a home wasn't feeling like much of a home to us anymore. So, we decided to visit other churches. We still havent found our home church yet, but we feel confident that God is guiding us through this journey. He will show us where our relationship with Him will flourish and where our gifts can be used to glorify Him. 

With all of this said, there has been a lot of change these past couple years in my life alone, but I've seen a shift in the world. With quick access to any information and news at our fingertips, I've noticed anxiety comes a lot easier. I did recently decide to delete my Facebook account for this reason. I will definitely miss the platform because I know I will miss out on hearing about events, parties, and keeping up with the folks I care about. However, I know deleting my account is the healthiest thing for me mentally. 

The truth I've learned these couple years, this is my life that God has blessed me with.  I will be a good steward. I get to have control of who I have contact with. I refuse to be around anyone who consistently isn't producing fruit or who has drama in their lives. I refuse to be censored. I will express myself, as it is my right to as an American citizen. My number one priority is to have a safe, God-filled environment for my child, for my marriage, and for my family. I'm looking forward to this next season God has in store for us.